Xylophones and Boob Jokes

 Hi my friends!!! Guess what?!? I'm going to another open mic night this Thursday!!! I'm super excited!!! However, I am also in the midst of a pretty wicked fear spiral which I will most likely remain in for the foreseeable  future.  Just picture me swirling in a giant fear drain screaming, "heeeeeeelllllppppp!!!" 

I made the colossal mistake over the weekend of re-watching my video from the last open mic and I am now totally freaking out... Did I make a giant pink ass out of myself last time??? I just don't know anymore.  I am questioning everything from my choice of outfit to my hideous giggly voice.  Ug!!! Why, oh why, did I watch that video again???

Anyway, I've added more boob jokes.

My goal is to try and do my set without benefit of my notes, which scares me absolutely to death. My mind could go blank at any moment and I could end up standing there going, "Uh......" and staring off into space until they flash the red light at me.  It's not like I've never frozen onstage before, there is precedent for this worry... But that's a story for another time.  Suffice it to say, that little incident is still a "hilarious" family joke that shows no signs of dying no matter how many years have gone by.

I have my outfit picked out (super important), my bits written (mostly), and now I'm desperately trying to figure out what song I want them to play when I walk onstage... They let you pick the music you walk out to onstage! How cool is that???  Of course, I didn't know that when I did my first open mic so I didn't have anything picked out.  The only song I could think of off the cuff was the theme song for the podcast (Rock n' Roll by Hillbilly Herald, best song ever), which of course they didn't have, so I asked the dj to play anything by Snoop because he's my favorite.

So what song did the dj pick out of the many amazing Snoop songs??? Gin and Juice? Lodi Dodi? Drop It Like It's Hot?

Oh no, he played "Girls" by the Beastie Boys. Seriously??? I freaking HATE that song!!! It is so damn cheesy. Why??? Just why??? Because I'm a girl? Or is it because I look as if my main interest in life is girls in the morning, evening, and various other times of the day as indicated by the lyrics??? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but for crying out loud, I don't look nearly interesting enough to be into the ladies.  I look like nothing less than what I am, which is an old married lady with a couple of kids.  Who apparently enjoys super irritating xylophone music from the 80's.

I submit the song below so that you might understand how wretched it was to walk out to.  I feel that I can safely say that this is about as far away from the coolness of Snoop as you can get. 




So, that complaint being filed, this is the song that I have decided I would dearly love to walk out to:



Considering all of the material I seem to be drawing from this particular body part, I think it's appropriate, don't you???  However, I'm not holding out hope that the dj will have this song, so I am pleading for the help of you, my blog friends...

What song should I walk out to?  I can't walk out to anything country because that is just so not me, but anything else is fair game.  Please help, oh please!!! Just leave your suggestions below in the comments section!!!

Thanks friends!!!

I hope you all have a wonderful week, and may the theme songs of your life never be played on the xylophone.