Growing up, I never remember having to hunt through the laundry basket for a pair of clean underwear... I don't remember my mother ever once frantically digging through a metric ton of laundry to try and find me a pair of matching socks as I slowly came closer to being late for school with each passing second...
Was there a constant pile of laundry in the hallway? No. Was the counter covered in a month's worth of junk mail and store advertisements that has yet to be gone through? No. Did my mother suddenly scream out in the middle of breakfast, "Oh my God, did we forget to do your homework last night?!?" Most certainly not. I seem to recall her totally having it together.
I, on the other hand, have been at this "home-making" gig for quite some time now and I feel like I have yet to get the hang of it. I can't tell you how many times I have looked myself in the mirror and thought, "What the hell?!? I look like a grown up!!!" Quickly followed by the near panic attack inducing realization that I am, in fact, a grown up, and not only that but I am somebody's mother... Two somebodies as a matter of fact, not to mention the man of the house that seems to require quite a bit of attention as well. People's lives literally depend on me. Oh my God. OH MY GOD!!! Help!!! Does anyone have a paper bag?!?
I try. Lord knows I do, but no matter how organized, how caught up I feel like I am, how many hours I spend in a day, there is always something that I haven't gotten done. I can never seem to remember it all, keep up with it all, or have everything all in its place all at the same time. As a matter of fact, as we speak, there are two huge piles of laundry sitting unfolded on top of the dryer, my house is a bit messy, my husband's sock drawer is empty, both my kid's rooms need cleaned, and I won't even get into what my own room looks like... Also, I should probably unload the dishwasher.
Why is it so hard?!? I can't understand for the life of me what is so complicated about keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and all the kid's stuff organized. I just don't have it in me, I guess. My natural inclination is toward utter chaos and I can only fight it to a certain point. Plus, my children (the little one in particular) literally follow me around the house as I clean destroying any semblance of order I tried to create... And my husband? How do we put this delicately? Um... Let's just say he loves nothing more than shaving in the nice clean (20 minutes of scrubbing, thank you very much!) bathroom sink or cooking a gourmet meal (aka messiest meal he can conceive of) on my nice clean stove.
Insert gigantic world-weary sigh here. Also, picture me with big dark circles under my eyes and my hair standing on end.
I think the reason my inability to keep things in order bothers me so much is because I feel like I am working the 24/7 shift and just barely keeping things from falling apart at the seams. I am holding onto organization with just the tippy tips of my fingers and it is fighting like a marlin (um, that's a saying, right?) trying to get away from me. I mean, I am a grown up (where's that paper bag???), yet I don't feel like one, nor am I quite pulling off at least acting like one.
I wonder if my kids will make fun of me behind my back when they're teenagers and tell all of their friends how hopeless I am... And say they wish I was more like their friend's Mom because at least they never ran out of clean socks.
Again, world-weary sigh.
I guess all I can say is that they have a disorganized mom but they are happy and healthy, super cute, charming, smart, clean, well-dressed, and always have their hair fixed. I know I'm doing something right (or at least partially right)... And maybe someday I will actually get the hang of this whole thing... Perhaps I just need another 10 years or so of practice?
Until then, I will just have to resign myself to the fact that I will always be forgetting something and my house will never f-ing (Mom, I know you read this so I censored that just for you even though I was thinking the actual word ♥) be clean.
My mom always had it together too, however, she was pretty social un-involved, she volunteered for nothing, rarely got together with friends, or had other things to get in the way of housework, she was usually a frenzied ball of stress, which incidentally might have been lessend by more time with friends, and less time trying to be june cleaver. I hope that when my kids grow up they look back and say, my mom was a terrible housekeeper, she was too busy hanging out with us, keeping up with all our activities, and busying around trying to make the world a better place to keep a spotless house. Someday I'll have time, although I'm pretty sure I'll find some other worthy cause to distract me from it- do a racing power clean and pour a cup of coffee mandy, I doubt anyone ever ended up in therapy over mismatched socks and dirty underwear!(btw, William wore MY halloween socks to school today since they were the only pair clean in the house)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate my own mother so much now that I am a mom myself. I really think she always had it more together than I do even though she had 6 kids, worked outside the home, and had frankly a less-than-supportive husband.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in second grade I asked her to make sugar cookies for my school class and to write all their names on them in cursive frosting. She totally did it! I cannot imagine how much time that took.
I'm with Amanda, I don't think that it really will matter if the laundry makes it into the drawers or if the house is a mess. What kids will remember is the love they feel. -Jeanne
Just want you to know how proud I am of the mother your are! One nice thing about your kids growing up is that apparently their memories fade! I'm appreciative that you think I had it that together but believe me I didn't! Funny how I always thought everybody ELSE was doing everything better than I did. You just be you and your kids are totally blessed to have you for a mom. They will just remember how much you loved them and they couldn't have it better than that! Love ya, mom!
ReplyDeleteFor having so much on your plate you are an amazing mother. You have so much patience and optimisim than i could ever have. Thats what really matters. House work is nothing that a couple bottles of wine and a blaring i-pod cant handle!! Unless its everyday ofcourse, then people might think we have other problems besides a messy house! ;) Love you, KL
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for reading and commenting! It makes me so happy!!! I am definitely hoping my kids don't end up in therapy over their somewhat disorganized mother... I had the benefit of having an amazing Mom who really did (you did Mom, just admit it! Haha) have it together and I still marvel and everything she did while working full time. I stay home and don't seem to be able to do all those things! I guess all I can say is that I try so hard and hopefully that counts for something... Thank you all so much for commiserating with me and brightening my day!!!
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